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Timesplitter 3 Future Perfect Review

Timesplitters 3 review

By Cyraxis

Well I’ve done a few reviews where I've ranted a little but for the most part I’ve been pretty fair about the games reviewed..well not CoD but I’m sure by now you all know how I feel about...that...series (don't worry I'm kidding, I know nobody reads these) but I decided I’m going to do a review on my favourite game of all time, then after that I shall review a game I really fucking despise do the point of wanting to advance my plan of killing everyone on the planet so that there is no chance that there will ever be another, and I mean a hatred worse than for CoD and I have a special place in hell for everyone who plays that.

But to start with the positive, Timesplitters 3. there are many reasons that I would call this game my favourite game, and I can honestly think of no point where this game goes wrong. I said stupidly in my Deus Ex review that no game will ever get a perfect score from me, but that Deus Ex will probably come closer than any other game I have played and for that I shall carve another line into my flesh to remind me what happens when I do something stupid...also I guess I’ll edit the Deus Ex review.

So anyway Timesplitters does everything right. The controls are fluid with no need to edit them. Also this was the first game that I player that used the back triggers to fire and zoom (R2 and L2) instead of the shoulder buttons (R1 and L1) which is now standard for most first person shooter games. There is slight issue with the fact that there is no button...no character in the game can jump at all, in fact their feet refuse to ever leave the floor for anything other then falling off an edge. However the game gets over this by never having any reason for you to need to jump ever so really there is no drawback to this and in the long run I guess its better as it stops people trying to bunny hop around.

Moving onto the story of the game it mainly focuses around time travel, but unlike many games that include time travel Timesplitters 3 doesn’t bother trying to explain any of the complexities of it, and there are only about three times where a paradox is mentioned and the game gets over it by just not making one...simple. This stops the games story getting tangled up and loosing track of itself and this is a refreshing change from all the games nowadays for example Resident Evil, who's story is so complex now that I don't think even the creators could tell you what’s happening.

The characters in this game are however the main selling point of this game. The interaction between them in the cut scenes is hilarious, with every line being pure gold, the voice acting is done really well and while it isn't realistic for them to talk the ways they do I really don't think that this game is going for the realism factor what with the time travel, zombies, robots, a gigantic fried chicken with robot limbs, invisible time travelling monsters that shoot electricity and have no purpose other than to wipe out humans. One scene that always stands out to me for character interaction is the introduction to Jo Beth Casey, the main character, Cortez, grabs her from behind to talk to her, she turns round and kicks him in the bollocks.

Usually I try to avoid talking about multiplayer because usually I try and avoid it and games that are primarily focused on multiplayer really fuck me off as it is just pointless to make a game like that. However the multiplayer in Timesplitters is built, like the rest of the game, for pure comedy value. The announcer is the best I have ever heard with comments like “skull-buster” “lobotomy” and my personal favourite when you kill yourself “you suck!”. Not to mention the array of 150 characters each of which have their own sayings when you select them to play as.

So to conclude Timesplitters 3 is my favourite game and I believe that it is a game that can do no wrong. I still don't think it deserves a perfect score because I still get tired of playing it and if there was a perfect game then surely I’d never stop playing it. Unfortunately Timesplitters creator, Free Radical, has gone bust in the early stages of production on Timesplitters 4 and it is unlikely that we will ever see that game. But I will happily still play the third one and maybe if I keep hoping, one day I will get my sequel. 9/10

Final Thought: doing positive review aren't very fun and probably not very entertaining to read as I don't swear or anything and nobody is going to read a review of an old ps2 game and decide to play it themselves. But fear not, the next review will be angry, abusive and banned from the internet.

Sympathising with slashers: Jason Voorhees

Sympathising with slashers: Jason Voorhees

By Cyraxis

Right so I usually do all the game reviews, the really bitter ones where I call everyone various things to show my displeasure with them, so I thought I'd do something that's just a bit of fun that I can't get angry about, horror films. Now I may do reviews of film at some point but for now I'll just stick to a bit of a conundrum that I find in these types of film, I hate people...all of them young, old, tall, short, thin, fat yea especially those fat ones, so when I watch a horror film I always seem to cheer on the killer so for a laugh I thought I'd do a little something that may persuade you all to see things my way and consider the side of the homicidal maniac, starting with my all time favourite killer Jason Voorhees.

Something that most people don't know is that the killer in the first Friday the 13^th film was actually Jason's mother and that Jason didn't make an appearance till right at the very end and even then he was just a small...rather mouldy looking boy. It wasn't until the second film that he made his proper screen début and even then he was sporting a sack on his head instead of his iconic hockey mask which he got in the truly abysmal Friday the 13^th 3D. Jason's back story is that he was a young disfigured boy who went to Camp Crystal Lake where his mother worked as a chef. While he was there he was pushed in the lake and due to not being able to swim he drowned...only he didn't drown because he became a zombie...only he wasn't a zombie Because he was alive in the second one...but then he died and became a zombie? Oh well who cares, the film makers clearly didn't.

In the first film Jason's mother goes around killing off all the camp guide/warden people who could have saved Jason's life but didn't because they were to busy having sex...I'm sure as he died Kevin Bacon's last thought was 'doesn't matter, had sex'. After that Jason takes over the killing and to be fair he has a valid reason, the campers killed him, he wants revenge. I'm sure everyone has been bullied at some point and we all know the desire for revenge, this is the same thing as you have felt...but on a slightly larger scale. Anyway as the series progresses Jason stabs, slashes, cuts, crushes, smashes, snaps decapitates and does generally unpleasant things to various groups of teenagers as they go about doing teenage things and not one of them makes us empathise with them. Every group is the same stock group of morons as the last with no redeeming qualities and all just crying out to get murdered.

But Jason isn't the only one doing the harming, as it goes he get drowned, stabbed, impaled, electrocuted, has toxic chemicals spilt on him, has buildings collapsed on him and eventually shot into space where he falls back to earth. He takes one hell of a beating and just keeps walking, and somehow no matter how fast the teenagers run he still catches them when he's just plodding along. I think Jason Voorhees is an inspiration, he sets his mind on a task and just keeps going after it, reaching for it until he achieves his goals...or is killed again but that doesn't really make much of a difference to him any more. And that is why he deserves sympathy for his cause, after all he is only human...I guess.

Analysing the hype: Gears Of War 3

Analysing the hype: Gears of War 3

By Cyraxis

So the buzz in the Xbox world at the moment seems to be the release of the third and final part to what must now be Epic Games' flagship series, Gears Of War, and you would think that it was the third coming of the hippy guy Christians seem to love so much with all the hype it has. I understand that this is a big title and all for the console but the amount it is forced on us seems entirely undeserved so I sat down too take a look at the reviews and build up and also a retrospective of the series to decided whether it might be worth checking out. Bear in mind this is not a review as I have not played the game, this will probably just be another way for me to vent frustration at the cretins that are today's gamers...that was a long opening, this ones gonna be a doozy.

To start with a retrospective, you can say what you like about the first Gears game, and I intend to, but you can never argue that it wasn't fun. The gratuitous gore and homoerotic masculinity drips thick from your television screen when you play it and your body count by the end is so high that you start to get turned on by the thought of bursting heads, now that's a metaphor to think about. And while Gears was not the first game to implement a cover based shooting system it was the first to use it well and when that joins the rest of the game play elements you have a solid basis for a game that only need a story to cover it and you could have a work of art...and there was the problem. So some aliens are attacking earth only its not earth, its some other planet and their not aliens cos they were there first. So basically its a bunch of humans running around being dicks and acting like their in the right. Who are most the characters? Couldn't tell you and don't really care because we are never given a reason to care, there was no development on them. And the game finishes with you blowing up the enemy's home in dramatic fashion. Roll on Gears 2 and I thought sequels were supposed to add stuff to a game not just drag it out longer unless your taking the Friday The 13^th approach to sequels. Basically when you won the war at the end of the last game you didn't really win because the locust (that's the enemy) used a cheat code or something. So again you have to find another way to win the war and it ends with you doing THE SAME FUCKING THING AS IN THE LAST GAME!?!? well I guess this one does try to get you more involved with the characters anyway, well two of them, the ones with the thickest necks. Basically the main character is Marcus and he has daddy issues and the other guy is Dom and he's a whining douche bag who lost his pet mutant thing in a locust attack. I know that its supposed to be sad when Dom has to shoot his mutant in the head but we knew it wasn't going to end well for them and after several hour of running up and slicing things to bits with chainsaws you can't turn around and try to tug on our heart strings, that's not how juxtaposition works. Oh I guess they add hoard mode but that's just the campaign without pretending to have a story.

So Gears Of War 3 promising us an end to a story that you have finished twice already only you didn't because Epic wants to milk all they can from it. You know if you failed to kill the locust twice before I don't hold high hopes for this game ending anything but badly, I'd put money on everyone dying at the end. You know what IGN said in their review that Gears 3 is repetitive and that nothing has changed in the campaign other than it getting a bit of a tune up, yet they still gave it a 9 how do you work that one out? If it doesn't add something new in a sequel then it doesn't get a better score than previous games. Other reviews have said that the development of the characters is engaging enough to make you play the game but I cant see how uncovering more of Marcus' daddy issues can be engaging. I bet that Baird, the only character blessed with a brain that allows him to walk and talk at the same time, has nothing added to him, they probably focused on Cole the big black guy a racial stereotype in the same leagues of racism as the twin robots in transformers 2 but a curious thing happens when you stereotype someone but do it in a positive light, everybody suddenly thinks he's the best and all the black guys aspire to be him like its some new fashion, I know because I have a big black friend (and I don't mean muscled) and he wants to be Cole so bad that he can probably feel it squirming inside him causing him to cry himself to sleep at night...oops I'm being racist again aren't I.

This segment hasn't really turned into much so I'll summarise now, Gears 3 is going to sell well regardless of what I say, you can put a label on shit and someone will buy it, George Lucas is proof of that. I just think people should consider things before they get sucked in by pretentious trailers (and it is fucking pretentious) and just buy what will turn out to be the same game with a new layer of paint on it. I don't deny that the series is fun but you have to really add something to freshen up a game before you can charge £40 for it, I will probably pick up Gears 3 when it gets cheap but for now if I have the urge to chainsaw something I'll go buy a chainsaw for the same price and find myself a club full of chavs.

Dead Rising 2 Review

Dead Rising 2 review

By Cyraxis

I've put a lot of thought into the whole idea of zombies, as I'm sure many a person who spends their life on the internet have. There are many forums and discussion boards dedicated to making the perfect zombie plan for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. It was this very topic the other day that lead me to an interesting conclusion. For zombies to move they need blood pumping to their limbs, to get that their heart needs to pump the blood, for the heart to pump the brain needs to tell it to, for the brain to work it needs oxygen from the lungs. Now I admit that I don't know much about the human body but if your heart, lungs and brain are working then the chances are that your not dead. From this I have decided that the only way a zombie could exist is through magic and as a man of science I don't believe in magic.

Well that brings us nicely into the game in question, Dead Rising 2 a third person survival horror action comedy thing I guess. Now I need to learn to keep my reviews short a sweet so I'll summarise the plot like this, your trapped in what is clearly not Las Vegas after another zombie outbreak, rescue is arriving in three game days and and you need to survive till it does arrive. Now there are actual missions on this game and I have done them all but the plot is somewhat insubstantial and the game doesn't end if you fail the main plot so just go off to have fun because that's what the game is about and that's all I'm going to talk about.

Essentially the game is just a timed demolition derby with you using whatever you can get your hands on to kill as many of the undead as you can before you need to be rescued. You can use basically anything as a weapon from the obvious stuff like chairs and golf clubs, to swords and spears you find in various shops and casinos, to guns, wheelchairs and teddy bears. It is almost anything you can see you can use and it does lead to some hilarious situations, for example I once found myself trapped on top of an information kiosk surrounded by the recently deceased with nothing but a box of fireworks a coat hanger and a water pistol however due to my genius I managed to survive that encounter.

There are other things to do besides the missions though, for example there are other survivors in the mall that you can save and bring back to the safe house though some of them have certain things you need to de before you can save them, for example there is a woman who was trapped under a sun bed and is now burnt to a crisp and needs a drink before you can take her anywhere, half the times someone asks for something however I just turned around saying “ok then, stay here and die I'm going to go set zombies on fire”. The reason for saving them is to earn large amounts of experience points to level up and as the game goes along you need these levels and extra skills to stay alive however this only gives a gentle difficulty curve if your not doing the missions.

Other ways to gain experience are limited to killing things but this isn't so bad as it is the entire point of the game, you can make custom weapons at workbenches which give you bonus experience per kill though most the weapons are rather picky as to what they will be combined with and you'll rely on the combo cards you collect to know what goes with what...well them or the internet. Also to kill are the psychopaths, deranged humans who are basically the bosses of the game all of which attack in some unique pattern that you have to learn before you have a chance of killing them. In my opinion these are the most interesting characters in the game because you can make up your own back story for them and reasons for why they went insane and at the same time they are all hilarious with their dialogue. Personally I'd like to think if there was a zombie attack that I would become a psychopath like these guys, I could dress up in my cyberpunk outfit and run around with my katana, it'd be awesome.

To conclude I would say that Dead Rising 2 is a very fun game with lots of replay ability to it, if only to see how many zombies you can kill in the time allotted. There are a few problems here and there but nothing game breaking or even really worth note, the worst is probably that I find there to be a tiny delay with your movements but I would recommend this game and give it a solid 8 out of 10 and it will certainly stop you going out and rioting in the streets for a while. Now I'm off to role play Dead Rising, where's my sword?

Final thought: I don't think a real zombie apocalypse will ever happen because by the time it does I'll have already taken over the world and if zombies do appear they'll just be a method of disposing of those who don't follow my tyrannical regime.

CoD Overview

A brief over view of the Call of Duty series.

By Cyraxis

The Call of Duty series is one that has never been short of praise. The original Call of Duty on the PC that won several game of the year awards and received a 91% from Metacritic, not that I give a damn what other critics think. Critics are a bunch of egotistical pricks who seem to think that their opinion should be law for the masses to follow...wait a second aren't I one of those pricks now?...moving on.

Having got its start as a world war 2 shooter and showing veteran series Medal of Honour how its done, Call of Duty or Cod as it is abbreviated to by lifeforms lower than myself, has decided that there is no future in World War II games, maybe because everyone already knows how it ends, and decided that its time to humiliate all the modern day shooters. So in 2008 Activision and Infinity Ward made Modern Warfare which somehow managed to slip under the radar of most gamers and...oh no wait it was a massive success with scores of up to 94% and also the best selling game of 2007.

Trout4 was praised for its story which relied heavily on shock value with an admittedly incredible scene where you slowly wander through a city after a nuke has just gone off looking at the desolation before succumbing to the radiation and dying. As much as I don't believe any game has ever done enough to deserve the momentous levels of praise and regard some of them have Bass4 is certainly the closest game I have ever played to reaching the hype. Admittedly it did nothing to really revolutionise the FPS genre but it did everything that other FPS games better than other games had done them. I do not agree however that it should still be on the shelves for £20 when most games can go down to that amount after a few months.

Following this Treyarch took the award winning ideas from Modern Warfare and and threw them out the window, creating Salmon WaW or World at War if you like. It decided instead to return to the WWII formula and to their credit the game was still pretty good with the same side switching campaign that was the first Call Of Duty's only unique feature, allowing you to see the war from multiple sides and the Japanese setting did help to mix up the overused settings that most other WWII shooters cling too like shit to the side of a toilet bowl. World at War paled in comparison to the semi genius that was Herring4 but it is by no means a bad game its just that if I was to give an A to Shark4 then WaW would get maybe a C. Its a pass at most levels but it must try harder next time.

And so we move onto the next instalment of this fishy series, Modern Warfare 2, which took all things that made Whale4 amazing (yes I've run out of fish to uses but sea bound mammals are close enough) and gave them back to us...

“wait a second” I said “even WaW changed things up a bit, this is just the same game with a different gritty filter over it” to which infinity ward replied “well its not exactly the same, there are some different guns in it.”

so with Modern Warfare 2 we have been sold what is essentially the same game again but with a less intriguing story and this is the first time I've been inclined to actually talk about the story. The story of Sea Turtle4 was a pretty basic go stop a terrorist group in Russia from being mean to America, whilst on the American side you get to live out all your fantasies about serving in Iraq. If your the kind of strange person who fantasises about that kind of thing then you are either American or you have had all your imagination crushed by the current school system which does its best to make sure that every child grows up to think exactly how the adults do so that none of them ever have any ideas about growing up and doing something with their lives, all ending up being another piece of the huge vile machine that is this oppressive capitalist society until you out live your usefulness and just end up being ground under the wheels. AND IN THE END YOUR OLD AND SENILE, LYING IN SOME OLD FOLKS HOME BEING SEDATED EVERY DAY WITH NO FREE WILL SLOWLY ROTTING AWAY TILL YOU ARE NOTHING MORE!!!! sorry about that I think I got a bit off topic.

Anyway the story in MW2 carries on where the last left off with all the characters being dead. Wait a second no their not that was just where the writers found themselves in a corner and decided the only way out was to use dig. Regardless the main story idea is that the Russians are all up in arms over you covertly entering their country, destroying a missile base that was stocked with nuclear missiles, killing a large chunk of their army, causing massive amounts of damage to a bridge and tunnel that was in major use and finally killing the terrorist who it seems had a rather large amount of support in the last game and have decided to invade America...I think a cold war fantasist might have written this. Well anyway the main plot is that America is being rammed like a gimp in a gay bar and it is up to the British forces to save them from this predicament seeing as the Americans are completely incapable of winning a war on their own despite having one of the largest armies in the world.

So we've established that the story is about as bat shit crazy as an evangelical Christian but that's not too important as long as the game play is still good right? Well the game play is good...because as stated its exactly the same as the last two games. You run around and kill the same three faceless terrorists over and over as you run down identical corridors in various shades of grey, never once considering the families of the puddles your running through that used to be people. then you reach a section where you have to stand around for a few seconds while two NPCs talk about things that you probably don't care much about till being told to continue. The game also tried to cash in on the same shock value that the first MW had by killing off the main character only this game decides to double the shock by doing it twice...slow sarcastic applause are in order. I feel I cannot grade this game like I did the others because if I did hand it in to teacher I'd be done for plagiarism.

And now for the latest game, Call of Duty: Black Ops...its an absolute cluster fuck, moving on

Now as I'm sure you've all noticed I've neglected up until this point to mention the multiplayer and that is because I wanted to address it separately as it hasn't changed much since Call of Duty 2. essentially it goes like this, two teams of equal size, usually about eight enter, fight till one team has fifty kills and then you go back to the lobby where the winning team laugh, gloat and challenge the sexuality of the loosing team safe in the knowledge that no harm an come to their fat, pale little bodies. I tell you when I perfect my device that allows me to lean through a TV screen to a specific person on the other side I am no longer going to have problems controlling my anger.

When I first started on Manatee4 I was playing the multiplayer purely for shits and giggles and it was really good. I ran around and killed or got killed, it didn't matter it was fun, I would applaud a good kill on me and in the end it was a game and it was fun. Then along came WaW and things changed. It wasn't entirely the games fault, yes they included a lot of overpowered weapons that enabled the worst players to get a few kills, but enabled the more experienced players to manipulate the camping positions and monopolise the game, forcing those players who don't find fun in hiding in corners to try and wage war in just a few fractions of the map. Adding to my woes was a friend of mine who was terribly obsessed with his kill/death ratio who informed me of where my own kill/death ratio was and from then on I started playing to win, and to get as many kills as I could and slowly the level of campers and cheap tactics started to get to me. The madness had begun.

And now on to the latest two games, once again the only thing that has changed is that the producers have rubbed yet more shit on the game that once stood as one of my favourite games. Some of the new maps are designed specifically for one type of weapon for example Afghan on MW2 which you are forced by snipers into about a 3^rd of a map where you can't get sniped on spawn, and then that is reduced further by the amount of places people can hide and pop out of as soon as you wander in turn you into the consistency of a hamburger and then hide again.

The weapons become even more overpowered, for example the LMGs for the most part become accurate to a pin prick and the last stand perk has driven me to drink before. People throw grenade after grenade, the under slung grenade launchers designed to hit the opening spawn point as soon as the game starts, and again the camping in one spot. Campers on games like this have a special circle of hell reserved for them where the most unspeakable things are done to them. Every second they sat in one place becomes a millennium, they endure suffering and if they ever get out it will be too soon and oh look at that I'm ranting again.

In the long and short the games aren't bad, their simple dumb campaigns that you can get some fun out of if you play it in short bursts. The multiplayer is a slightly different case, it is shit, its boring, repetitive and more of a grind than the later Final Fantasy games, but its made like that as much by the players as by bad game choices. Like with all new games it seems to have a gritty filter over it and it is desperate to be realistic despite the fact that realistic is not fun, in real life you get shot once and you fall down slowly bleeding out until your saved by someone and left in a hospital for six months before the army tell you they don't want you any more, give you a check and send you to some poorly paid desk job. The games get slowly worse as the series progresses and I expect that eventually all we're going to get when we buy the newest Call of Duty is a box that a member of Activision has wanked in.

Final thoughts: yes I know I haven't addressed the zombie mode on this game but if I think any more about this game I fear that my brain my melt and I'll be reduced to the level of the disgusting creatures who frequent the games multiplayer and I may actually consider buying the next in this cascading pile of shit.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution Review

Deus Ex: Human Revolution review

By Cyraxis

Deus Ex: HR is going to be a hard game to write a fair review about. This is a game I have been looking forward to since it came out, have played and loved its predecessors and have a personal spot in my heart for the setting, so if it seems I'm a little bias towards the game that's why. Now to start, THIS GAME IS AWESOME!!

Is it possible that this game was sent to us to save us from the mundane swamp of bland first person shooters and mediocre action games in which the gaming community has been drowning for so long? Is it possible that gamers at last can raise themselves from the pits in which they have been cast by the rest of society and claim that their personal medium of entertainment requires sophistication and intelligence on the same level as reading a good book? My answer...no and I explain why. It is simply because the vast majority of the drooling mongrel race that plays games will see this game's title and realise that its acronym is not a type of fish and give up on it. Others yet will leave it on the shelves because they can't play with their equally thick headed friends in some thoughtless death match online.

In short I don't think enough of the gaming community is going to play this game to force a realisation that other companies have been starving them of any quality in their games for a long time with only a few bright exceptions. However those that play this game for whatever reason will realise that Deus Ex isn't quite up to the standard of the first two games but is still going to be up with the greatest of the recent generation of gaming.

The storyline is complex and I'm still not sure I've quite got my head wrapped around what exactly is going on. What I do understand is that a businessman has a desire to purge the world of augmented humans because he thinks the world needs to be restarted with him in charge (he has a god complex to rival my own). At the beginning of the game a bunch of scientists are killed in an attack on a lab that leaves you as a small puddle of jelly on the floor which someone then shoots in the head for good measure. Through the miracle of science you are restored to life as an augmented human who is so cool he has sunglasses built onto his face and a trench coat which looks awesome from a distance but up close you realise the shoulders have a weird floral pattern on them that I think matches the wallpaper in his apartment. The story is basically one of revenge for the scientists with a twist at the end that isn't that big by the time you get to it as anyone with a brain had worked it out...OK so maybe you'd work it out if you hadn't spent years turning your brain into just another lump of CoD merchandise.

The gameplay does something that hasn't been seen for a while and actually has ways for you to traverse a level that don't include direct combat. Call of Duty fans probably just shit themselves in fear of the prospect (I really do riff on CoD fans a lot don't I) but you can stealth around a group of enemies and then sneak away to the next bit of level without firing a shot. You could also change the turrets in the room to recognise the enemies as targets if you just have a murderous appetite. The problem with this is most people will just use the vents to get the best position, kill all the guards, collect their guns then go hack all the doors and consoles to get all the exp. The problem is that there is no specialisation in classes so you don't just focus on one way of playing the game so you have an all rounded character who can hack consoles or sneak or shoot his way out of a problem. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but it does take away from one of the focal points of the first two games. Another problem is that all the characters end up with enough exp to buy any upgrade they want so that at the end of the game you are almost unstoppable.

To mention the ending I need to start at the title. Deus Ex is part of a latin term Deus ex machina which is a plot device whereby a seemingly inextricable problem is suddenly and abruptly solved with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability, or object. And the endings of this game certainly are pulled straight from the writers arse.

Damn this review is gonna be too long again, oh well. A key feature of Deus Ex is a huge debate between normal, boring, sappy, weak, pathetic, slow human beings and the new, improved, strong, smart, fast, super humans who became too attached to their computers. And this is ridiculous because their isn't a person alive on this planet who is happy with their pathetic existence and wouldn't change a thing, and if science gave them a way to do it they'd snap it up in a heart beat. The main argument is that the augmented people have lost their humanity and to this I shout FUCK OFF! What's so great about humanity anyway? Humans rape, pillage and murder, that's not going to change if our nukes come out our chests. Anyway I pretty much gave up my humanity when I started praying at night for an excuse to go insane and become a super villain. Were I given a choice to become part machine I would leave this pitiful flesh behind and become even more of a god then I am now. I WOULD PURGE THE STREETS OF ALL WHO OPPOSE ME AND MY FOLLOWERS WOULD RAISE ME UPON HIGH TO THE HEAVENS WHERE I BELONG!! sorry about that I think I lost track of myself. (as a special note as someone did mention this to me following my GTA review, I'm not prejudice against any one race, I hate you all equally).

In conclusion I would say that Deus Ex is likely to be my game of the year, It has its faults but I doubt anything will shift it from pride of place at the moment and while I refuse to give any game a perfect score as no game will reach my lofty demands I will happily give it a 9 out of 10.

Final thoughts: I never really thought of dragging unconscious guards into provocative positions until someone else mentioned the idea, maybe I'm just not that puerile. Also if you are interested in following me as your god into the future please submit applications.